An Immodest Compilation of Modesty Thoughts
An Immodest Compilation of Modesty Thoughts
Summary
Modesty Has Nothing to Do With It
Discretion: A PR Move
Why Women Go to the Gym in Their “Underwear”
Men’s Responsibility
Modesty Is Not “A Heart Posture”
The Cosplay of Dressing Modestly
I’ve written on modesty before, but never have I compiled my thoughts in one place. Here it is put together.
Modesty Has Nothing to Do With It
I dress modestly, but modesty has nothing to do with it. My body is valuable and I know it is worth looking at. That is why I conceal it. A popular quote of debated origin states, "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself. It's thinking of yourself less." I will paraphrase this. Modesty isn't thinking less of yourself. It's showing yourself less. Women instinctively know that revealing their bodies is sexually attractive. This is why men find bikinis and lingerie so appealing. When women dress revealingly, it is more difficult for men to look them in the eye. Their gaze is drawn downward by the lack of clothing. When I dress discreetly (I use the term discreetly, because I hate the connotation of the word modestly.) I force men to look me in the eye. The eye is a window into the soul and that’s what I want people to see. When I dress discreetly, I preserve the control I have over my sexuality. If I were to dress revealingly, then every person I passed on the street would be able to share in my body: the father of two kids, the 13-year-old boy, the alcoholic, the porn addict…. Because my body is valuable, I want to be selective about who I share it with.
Discretion: A PR Move
Modesty needs better PR. When modern women are told they need to dress modestly, they think you are insulting their bodies. They think you are insinuating the female form is something to be ashamed of or that they are not pretty enough to dress revealingly. They think you are offended by them and so are offended by you. To change this perception, the first PR move modesty needs to make is to undergo a rebranding. Instead of using the term “modestly,” we need to use the term “discreetly.” This will remove any connotation of insult or insecurity from the style.
The second PR move is more of a practice. Women who dress discreetly should do so fashionably. The common perception is that women who dress discreetly have to forgo current fashion trends and lose social cache in the process. They think discretion makes you an outsider. To combat this perception, women who dress discreetly should do so fashionably. For example, crop tops are currently fashionable. Discreet women should wear them with high-waisted jeans. This way, they are still fashionable, but without revealing their stomachs.
The female form has always been admired as beautiful, mysterious, and alluring. Women should take great pride in this. In doing so, they should lean on mystery as an important element of attraction. They will preserve control over their sexuality and force men to look them in the eye and admire their souls in the process.
Why Women Go to the Gym in Their “Underwear”
Discretion in women’s dress has long been a point of contention, but the debate has heightened ever since women have started going to the gym in their underwear (sports bras and tight shorts). Many women have gone viral on TikTok for calling out staring men while doing so. This has puzzled many, while angering others. The common sentiment among conservatives is Put on clothes. What did you think was going to happen? You’re doing this on purpose for attention. To which I respond, “Sometimes.” Some women know what they are doing when they dress that way. They want to feel sexy and want male attention. Other women are very confused and don’t understand at all why men are staring at them.
In our modern society, women are put into revealing outfits from a very young age. Toddlers are put in bikinis at the beach, elementary-age gymnasts are put into tight leotards, middle school girls are put in tiny outfits for their dance competitions, high school girls are put in revealing cheerleading costumes. Girls are sexualized from a very young age by their mothers, their choreographers, and their coaches. The older women whom these young girls trust are putting them into indiscriminate clothing and excusing it by claiming that intention matters. I once saw a clip from Dance Moms, where one of the mothers said something to the effect of They’re good girls, so we don’t mind if they wear something sexy. It is insinuated that dressing that way is okay, as long as you don’t do anything inappropriate. If the girls are not trying to impress the opposite sex, then it’s okay, because intention matters. These girls grow up thinking revealing clothing is normal and, therefore, don’t even recognize it as revealing. When they are older, they are genuinely shocked when men stare at them, because they are simply dressing as they always have. They keep up with the fashions and dress like their peers. Those forces dictate what is acceptable and normal. When men are hypnotized by something so supposedly normal, it shocks them, because they’ve been dressing this way since they were toddlers.
Now, when they are told to dress differently, they take offense. They think you are insulting their bodies. They don’t understand the conservative worldview, because they’ve never been taught it. They were taught that intention matters. You can go to the gym in your underwear and expect men not to notice, because you have no intentions of alluring them. When you put on lingerie you can expect men to be attracted to you, because now you are intending to attract them. This is an incoherent worldview. They are blind to the inherent contradictions, because the women they trusted lied to them over and over again from the time they were three years old and now current fashion trends merely reinforce the lie.
Men’s Responsibility
That being said, men should not be staring at them. Mathew 5:28 states, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (NIV). Men have a moral responsibility to look away from women who are revealing too much of their bodies. They have a responsibility to preserve their own hearts, respect their wives and girlfriends, and respect their sisters in Christ even when they make indiscrete fashion choices. Women have a responsibility to dress appropriately and men have a responsibility not to lust after them. The shirking of duty on the part of one party does not absolve the other party of their moral responsibility.
Modesty Is Not “A Heart Posture”
Christian women have been heavily influenced by the wider culture when it comes to fashion. Many of whom have taken to wearing skimpy bikinis and other forms of revealing dress, while claiming “modesty”. They have “messy conversations about modesty,” rather than finding principles by which to dress. They speak of having a “modest heart posture”. In other words, you can dress inappropriately, as long as you don’t do anything inappropriate. Part of the reason why this arose is as a backlash to purity culture. A ridiculous culture that takes modesty too far and claims that spaghetti straps are immodest and your shorts have to go to your knees. But now we have gone too far in the opposite direction. Christian women now claim that intention overrides fabric.
It is telling that men are never invited to take part in Christian women’s “messy conversations” about dress. Perhaps because then they would be faced with the reality that the only reason why women need to dress discreetly is because men exist. If earth only consisted of women a la Wonder Woman and her Amazons, then women would only need to wear clothing when the elements dictated and nudity would be the norm in warmer climates. If men were invited to discussions of modesty women would be told that leggings make their butts a target of the male gaze and that low cut blouses give men a nice distraction from the humdrum of daily life. It doesn’t matter if you are holding a bible, men are still staring at your butt.
Christian women who do wear more clothing are afraid of “shaming” women who don’t. Apparently, the biggest sin you can commit is hurting someone else’s feelings, even if the advice you are giving is good for them. Women who dress revealingly should be told how valuable their bodies are. When a woman dresses discreetly, she is forcing the male gaze up to look her in the eye and see her heart. It doesn’t matter if you have a modest heart posture if no one can see it. Men are drawn to look at a woman’s body, because it is valuable. Because it is valuable a woman should protect her sexuality and only share it with one whom she deems worthy of it. A woman who is told this may feel shame at first, but that shame will soon be replaced with pride in her form. She will know her body’s worth and be selective about who she shares it with, because now she knows her sexuality is worth protecting.
The Cosplay of Dressing Modestly
When making the transition to discreet dress women must be careful of one thing. Harkening back to our proposed PR move, women who dress discretely often adopt frumpy and/or decades old fashions as streetwear. Dressing like your great-grandmother did in the 40s may keep you covered, but it isn’t going to inspire many women to your philosophy. It isn’t merely the clothing they adopt. They often incorporate the hairstyles, jewelry, and shoes the women wore as well. They take on a vintage identity that entirely consumes their own. When I look at them, I see a black and white photo come to life; I lose sight of them. It is no different than larping. Most larpers go to the forest on weekends dressed as goblins and wizards. These women go to the supermarket dressed like characters from Little House on the Prairie.
I am all for taking old styles and giving them a fresh look, but in order to do that you actually have to give them a fresh look. Styles repeat themselves, but designers reinvigorate them in new and creative ways. The discreet fashion movement too often lacks creativity. It merely copies and pastes old styles. We need to take modern styles and make them discrete, take old styles and refresh them, and invent things that are entirely new and different. We are modern women and we can dress in a discreet manner as modern women. Don't lose your identity in your grandmother’s closet. It won't lead to Narnia.
Original Publication Dates of the Articles Compiled in this Post:
November 19th, 2023 - Modesty Has Nothing to do With It
November 23rd, 2023 - Why Women Go to the Gym in Their “Underwear”
December 5th, 2023 - Modesty Is Not “A Heart Posture”
July 4th, 2024 - The Cosplay of Dressing Modestly
Note: Due to the combining of these articles, some edits have been made for the sake of quality and flow.