Summary
- Christians have a habit of trying to comfort single women with metaphors.
- Desiring a husband does not make you a bad Christian.
- Being close to God does not mean your desires disappear.
- The omnipotence paradox influences the way our desires function.
- God designed specific desires for His children and specialized courses of fulfillment.
- You can embrace your desires and have peace before they’re fulfilled.
- Analysis of Biblical Text
It is common for single Christian women to complain about their singleness. To complain about one’s loneliness and unmet desires is understandable. What is not understandable is the method by which other Christians choose to comfort them. These women are often told to not worry because Jesus is their husband and the church is the bride of Christ. Why would any woman ever be comforted in that context by that statement?
To receive comfort from something it must be associated with a particular need. For one to be comforted by a blanket one must have a desire for warmth. To be comforted by a substitute, that substitute must meet to some degree that particular need. In this case, a sweater may suffice, even though ultimately a blanket may be preferred.
In the case of the single woman she desires a husband. I sincerely hope that women do not view God the same way they view their human husbands. If they do, I recommend the help of a good therapist and so does God. He isn’t Zeus. He ain’t into that sort of thing.
Christian women cannot be comforted in this context by the idea that Jesus loves them for the same reason they cannot be comforted by the fact that their friends and family love them. These people meet desires for different types of love. She is loved by her father and that fulfills the desire for fatherly love, but she still wants a husband. She is loved by her mother and that fulfills her desire for motherly love, but she still wants a husband. She is loved by God and that fulfills her desire for God’s love, but she still wants a husband.
We understand the concept of specialization in reverse. Every Christian will readily admit every human heart contains a desire for the living God and only God’s love can fill that hole in their heart. Yet it is difficult for modern Christians to understand that this principle applies to other desires as well.
Being loved by God and others yet still wanting a husband does not make someone a bad Christian. It just means that God designed a desire that can only be fulfilled by a particular person in a particular context; a husband in the context of marriage. It may sound sacrilegious to say that God cannot meet every human desire. It may be argued that because God is perfect He can perfectly fulfill every desire we have. This is a misreading of scripture and plays on the omnipotence paradox. The thought experiment comes in many forms. Perhaps the most common variation is can God create a rock so heavy even He can’t lift it. If we say no, then God is not omnipotent, because there is something He cannot do. If we say yes, then once again God is not omnipotent, because there is something He cannot do. The way out of the paradox is to answer yes. It is possible for God to create a rock so heavy even He cannot lift it and then He can create a mechanism by which He can lift it.
In our case the paradox is can God create a desire He cannot fulfill. The answer, scripturally speaking, is yes. We see God demonstrate this awesome power in the very beginning of Genesis. “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’” (Genesis 2:18, NIV). Adam was living in a utopian garden, with God Himself for his best friend. Here God is saying that someone else is needed. Even though Adam had Him it wasn’t enough. God had purposefully, intentionally designed in Adam a desire that He could not meet and created a mechanism by which He could fulfill that need: Eve.
In our modern context, the problem is the same. Women have a desire that family, friends, and God cannot meet. It doesn’t make single women bad Christians for wanting a husband. Desiring a husband is a good thing and that desire should be celebrated. That desire was designed by the living God. A Christian may walk very, very closely with God, but that won't make their desires go away. It is important to note that just because you have a desire does not mean you cannot have peace. You can be at peace and still have a strong desire. Just because you walk with God doesn’t mean you stop being a human with natural human wants. If you are super close with God and wander into a desert without water you’re still going to die, because being close with God does not make your humanity go away. If you become stranded on a desert isle, you’ll wind up screaming at a volleyball, because the human psyche requires connection with other people. God designed humans to need water, food, friends, family, and spouses. If you lack any of these things you will feel a desire for them. The goal should be to find peace, while embracing the desire. Don’t try to gaslight yourself into not wanting something you genuinely desire. Work towards your desire while working towards peace.
Christians have gotten into the bad habit of taking biblical metaphors literally. The bible is a beautiful collection of poetry, narrative, reports, letters, etc. and should be appreciated as such. Christians should appreciate the way language is used in the Bible and understand the depth that can be achieved through figurative language. There are many statements that should be taken literally. For example, “The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay” (Matthew 28:5-6, NIV). The women’s journey to the tomb, the angel’s statements, and Jesus’s resurrection are all to be taken literally. There is no figurative language present in these verses.
However, the verses indicating that the church is the bride of Christ are filled with figurative language, because the bride is a metaphor. Look at Ephesians 5:22-24: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Paul is saying the marriage between a man and a woman is analogous to the relationship between Christ and the church. Metaphors, similes, and analogies all compare things. In this case, things that are similar, but not the same. Human marital relationships and God’s relationship with the church are similar in that they are structured covenants, but they are not the same.
Pastors will properly use and extend the metaphor by saying we are the bride of Christ and at the end times we are taken up into Heaven and that’s the honeymoon. Too many Christians today take their statements and attempt to comfort single women. Supposedly, single women should be comforted by this and their desire for a flesh and blood husband should be satiated by the notion that the church is the bride of Christ and the end times all of us get a honeymoon in Heaven. Okay. Are y’all ready for this polygamist, honeymoon orgy? Is that why they call it the rapture?
Paul uses the metaphor in 2 Corinthians. Writing to the church in Corinth, he expresses his concern over false doctrine. Not wanting their minds corrupted by lies, he tells them “... I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:2, NIV). Considering the number of married people in the church we know it’s not composed of a bunch of virgins. The church isn’t a Star Trek convention. Paul is using sexual impurity to allude to intellectual and spiritual corruption. Why would single women be comforted by the idea that she is the bride of Christ?
It’s time to acknowledge single, Christian women’s desires as understandable, healthy, and normal. Is it possible to take it a bit too far and border on the obsessive? Yes, but I don’t think many do. It’s normal to not want to be single. God designed women to desire marriage. Instead of trying to comfort women with metaphors, why don’t we give them practical advice? We can encourage them to network, ask their friends and relatives to set them up, or try online dating (while taking safety precautions). Maybe we should tell Christian women to get out there and frequent new places instead of their same old haunts. To paraphrase comedian Jeff Allen, God has a man for you, but he isn’t going to fall out of the ceiling vent. Teaching women to be passive and comforting them with metaphors is not helping them. Providing them with a truthful analysis of biblical text and offering practical advice for their love lives is more helpful and pragmatic.
Notes:
1. The title of this piece was inspired by the movie Lion King 1 ½ . In the movie, the Timon is told by Rafiki to “Look beyond what you see.” Timon takes this literally and travels about seeing things and walking past them. His mother discovers this and exclaims, “Uncle Max! Timon is out chasing metaphors!”
2. I love Star Trek, but the joke was too good to resist. Trigger Warning: Star Trek is better than Star Wars.
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